Right on time, once again, it’s time to take several moments to reflect on this past year, to take the extra time to find closure, to let go, to just soak it all in.
Traditionally I’ve always looked at the highs of each year, the pivotal moments, the big stand out events, but this year I feel called to scrutinize a little more. I’m feeling called to pull off the rose colored glasses and to take a real, honest, raw look at this past year. Looking at who I was and the roles I’ve played in a slew of different relationships and situations, I’m feeling called to really examine who I was in comparison to who I want to be.
There were so many incredibly amazing moments this year... my relationship has been stronger than it has ever been. My relationship with both my parents has evolved to new places and met new boundaries and dynamics with ease I could have never imagined. I took a risk and left a job I was complacent at and moved away from the life I loved and enjoyed so much. These are all important moments and milestones, and I'm grateful for them, but what about the other parts, the day to day... the shadows to these shining highlights.
There is always a yin to a yang, a dark to a light, a high and a low, but that isn’t inherently bad, it’s just a chance to reflect, to look at what opportunities you still have, to humble yourself enough so that you give yourself the opportunity and the space to level up.
This year I lost touch with any sense of true creativity, of romance, of playfulness and of whimsicality. I was to the point, blunt, direct, and did the work to be where I needed to be, and it paid off, but it came with a price... I allowed this past year, my personal year one in numerology to be about my masculine energy, the no nonsense, the no bullshit, the cut to the chase attitude, but it very quickly became the way I moved through life this year.
Ninety percent of the time I felt "on"... I was teaching and working so much that as a person I felt a bit robotic, a bit disconnected, a bit out of touch with my softer, more feminine side. I couldn't find it in my to pick up my camera, writing felt like too much work, and even with the best laid plans I would find myself creatively blocked.
There where moments that felt like I was walking a fine line between direct and cynical, always just teetering on the edge of no longer keeping it real but being jaded. I had done a total 180 from the prior year of spiritual exploration, expansion, rainbows, and unicorns.
I've needed this year, but it's brought to light a lot of concerns, a lot of things I've let go unchecked, that I've let swing out of balance all in the name of setting my self up for what lies ahead. I need to be honest with myself and acknowledge that there are things that need to be reshuffled, that need a closer look, there are beliefs and mindsets that fit for this last part of the journey of getting me to where I am, but now need to be returned back to the world because they don't serve me in this next phase.
As I start to think about 2019, about my year two, about where I want to go and who I want to be I see so much space for me take myself down a few pegs, to be more free, more flowing, more playful. I need to take life a little less seriously. I needed 2018 to push out the things in my life that were no longer for me. I needed 2018 to challenge me to reconstruct my life for what I wanted for myself. I needed 2018 to force me to let go of people, places, and things that no longer helped me grow, that no longer served me, that no longer resonated with who I was becoming. I needed 2018 to require me to get clear, to be direct in what I wanted, to carve out the rough edges of what I wanted for myself.
I needed to gear up, to put on the armor, and remove and evaluate what I no longer needed in my life... Now I'm ready to shed the battle armor with the self awareness that I've let it become my every day wear. I've spent this year tirelessly manifesting, cleaning up, and making the space for myself and what is yet to come. I'm ready for 2019, I'm ready to shed the layers, kick off my shoes, find my flower crown, and spend the year dancing and playing. I'm taking 2019 to find the magic again, to fall back in love with the tiniest most intimate honest moments of life, and to seek out the joy in every day.
I'm taking the opportunity in these final days of 2018 to deeply examine what triggers my ego, to look at what makes me puff my chest in competition rather than lend a hand in support. I've cleared the path in 2018, it's time to let go of the final monsters... the dragons have been slayed and it's time to journey home and take note of the lessons learned. There are no other paths that need to be cleared right now, it's time to feast in the space and life I've created. I've cleared the path and laid the foundation and now I'm ready and open to receive what is seeking me this upcoming year with peace, laughter, an open heart, and a playful spirit.
Living life to the fullest, practicing and teaching yoga, just trying to figure the world out. I always keep it real and honest, even when life gets a bit sucky, because it definitely does. Just sharing my thoughts and musings and trying to spread a little light along the way.